Journal 1#:

A friend of mine does this on DA, so I thought it might help me, and my friends, understand what’s been going off with me lately. I felt like I should do this to help me unwind and think over some of the things that have happened this week. Overall my mind feels like a messy collection of unwanted thoughts. Sometimes I struggle to talk about my issues, they become bottled up, and then I let all my emotions out in a really bad way.

Yesterday I had one such episode, luckily my romantic partner was there to help me, I feel kind of ashamed of the way I acted, even if it wasn’t my fault. I haven’t been like that in months, I thought I was doing good, but I guess I’m really not as good as I kept telling myself I was.

Recently, a close friend of mine who’s like a sister to me has been on hiatus for nearly three months now, maybe more. When I first heard the news I thought she was going to be back in a month at most, and that she just needed a break from her art and the internet to secure her studies, her job, and her mental health. But she isn’t back yet. I’m worried so much for her, I’m probably gonna send her this in our dms.

I related to her so much, she understood me, and always listened to my problems. Without her as a willing soundboard, I’ve… I’ve done okay so far, but yesterday changed that I guess.

I’m exhausted. I haven’t slept more than 8-10 hours in the last three days, and before that, I hadn’t eaten much at all. I guess I was bound to not be able to hold it in putting that sort of pressure on my body physically and mentally. I’m so tired, and my headaches. At least I’ve had a good lunch, and I’m not hungry anymore. Hopefully, I can get a good night’s sleep tonight, and get my strength up for class tomorrow.

To get to the root of all this, recently I’ve been dealing with someone who I considered a friend making me very uncomfortable, even scared. This has been such a problem that even my partner is worried sick for my safty, and has forced me to take certain security measures. We’re all scared, and it’s a lot to take on board, especially without support from my friend on hiatus.

I’ve also been having issues with my family and the way they treat me. Friends have encouraged me to retaliate, and try to fight back against what has been happening, but I’m scared too. I appreciate their help, but sometimes they don’t realise the complexity of the situation, and what effect and role I have within my family. That doesn’t mean it never gets to me.

In better news, I’ve got predicted grades of 5 for History, and 7-8 for Science! I’m beginning revision over the Easter holidays, and hopefully will be able to slay the finals!

I hope this sheded some light on how I’ve been lately, and any support from friends would be much appreciated. Thank you guys, you’ve helped a lot, hopefully, I’ll be back on track soon!

Art wish list: Stuff I really need or want!

Stuff I need:

– A guillotine: I wanna cut paper for precisely! I hate cutting it with scissors…

-A bigger pack of crayola color pencils: I got the pack of 24, it still isn’t enough!

-Sketchbooks: I dunno why, but I’m very picky about what kinda sketch book I use for curtain stuff. Like, I always need a study sketchbook, a cartoon sketchbook, a colorpencil sketchbook ect… ect…

-Watercolor paper: I need more of it, and better quality stuff since I’m running low on stock since i did a few paintings.

-More watercolors: I just wanna experiment with more colors, and types of paints, and to get better at the medium!

Stuff I want:

-A light box: Tracing paper exists, so it’s not like I can’t transfer my sketches, it’d still be nice to have a light box tho

-Guoach: I’d love to experiment with this, it’d be totally up my alley, but it’s expensive an I already have my watercolors

– Holbein color pencils: Supposedly the best color pencils around, I’d love to try them someday!

Hi! Let me introduce myself…

My name is Milky, I’m an artist, hoping for a career in freelance illustration! I really love to work with color pencils, pens, and watercolors. I am receiving art lessons in drawing, and have been passionate about art my whole life. Next year I will be attending college to do a level three course in art and design. After that I plan to do a foundation diploma in art, and then I hope to be able to fulfill my dream of studying Illustration at University!

I decided from a young age I was in love with cartoons and drawing, but it took me a while to realize it, and for it to become more than a simple hobby. For three years now I have taken it seriously, attempting to draw and study at least once a week despite other commitments. During this summer, after my exams, I hope to return to my (almost) daily routine of drawing, studying, and making completed art.

I know I’m not the best, and I’m especially set back due to my dyspraxia, but I haven’t given up so far, so I want to follow through!